:: INTERVIEWS :: TIDY DJs

After a period of nothing much news wise from the press office at Tidy HQ, the PR team have gone into meltdown recently, what with the Designer Labels album, tantalising tasters about the next Weekender, Captain Tinribs new release just to name a few. All very exciting stuff from our favourite hard-house label-cum-lifestyle. But one press release in particular seemed to be a little puzzling – announcing the launch of the Tidy DJs. I know we’ve had a postal strike but even allowing for Postman Pat and his black and white cat having a day off to strike; Tidy having their own DJs is not new news. Is it?

Well, it seems that “Tidy DJs” is indeed breaking news. Not to be confused with the fine roster of superb DJ talent under the tidy brand, the label “Tidy DJs” has, rather appropriately, been given to Tidy’s label manager Sam Townend and his DJing co-star Deano. The press conference at Tidy HQ allowed the hard-house paparazzi an opportunity to meet the former gypsy’s and they happily answered some questions for us:-

Ru: With the launch of Tidy DJs, will you still be selling pegs door-to-door as part of your obligations to the West Yorkshire Gypsy Commune?

Tidy DJs: We will be carrying on with the peg selling, it’s in our blood, however we are probably going to have to cut down on it just to week days now. You can take the man out of the campsite but ya will never take the campsite out of the man!

Ru: Do you always speak together and in unison?

Tidy DJs: We are the Tidy DJs, we may be two bodies, but we are one mind…

Ru: Righto, er, the Tidy DJs thing, is this simply a re-branding of your (professional) partnership aka Sam & Deano?

Tidy DJs: It is in a sense, we never started out as a back to back duo, so it makes sense to re-brand when we are b2b, as we each play a different sound when we play individual sets, ‘Tidy DJ’s’ just gives us a better name than Sam & Deano and lets us push our own distinctive sound under a more recognisable name and brand.

Ru: Yes, Sam & Deano does sound like two of the runner-ups from Pop Idol that have formed a singing partnership but ultimately they were losers…

Tidy DJs: We are not losers, we are the Tidy DJs. We are the new sound of Tidy.

Ru: But we already have the Tidy Girls, and of course our leaders that are the Tidy Boys, are they not Tidy DJs then?

Tidy DJs: Yes, they are DJ’s who represent Tidy, however we are a specific DJ duo who represents the new sound of Tidy. Besides, we won the name from them lot in a whippet race the other week!

Ru: A Whippet race? Is that still legal?

Tidy DJs: Yes. And No. Yes, it’s legal. But no its not if you’ve fed a dog called Heavens Cry [the name of the Tidy Boys dog, as if that needed explaining] ketamine with its dinner.

Ru: Is it true that the Tidy Boys are due to retire very soon and the Tidy DJs are being groomed to take their place?

Tidy DJs We couldn’t possibly comment on that. The boys are knocking on a bit now, starting to look a bit wrinkly and are developing shit taste in clothes (Andy was wearing sandals with socks and a cardigan the other day), so who knows, they may choose to hang there headphones up in the not too distant future.

Ru: Not sure if you boys are really in a position to criticise others taste in clothes, do you not have mirrors in your caravans?

Tidy DJs: We prefer to call them homes that happen to be mobile…

Ru: Tidy Boys, Tidy Girls, Tidy DJs, Untidy DJs, Tidy Nephews, Tidy Nieces, Tidy Uncles, Tidy Aunties… Is there not a danger of Tidy having too many spin-offs?

Tidy DJs: Damn it, you have worked out how we are getting our family over from Romania, just keep the other spin offs to yourself for now…

Ru: Will the Tidy DJs play at non Tidy events, or will you exclusively play for Tidy?

Tidy DJs We are Tidy residents, so we will be featuring heavily at tidy events, but we have a new pimp who goes by the name of Alec Mills, he try’s to sell us to the highest bidder so expect to see us at your local dance halls and disco’s soon! You can contact him and offer him money for us (but where not prostitutes) by emailing – HYPERLINK "mailto:alec.mills@tidy.com" alec.mills@tidy.com

Ru: … not prostitutes…?

Tidy DJs: Well… how much are you offering?

Ru: I’m not. The Tidy Boys have been going something like eight years, but it’s only now we are seeing their first ever single release. As the Tidy DJs, will you be releasing your own tracks, and will you do remixes under this new brand?

Tidy DJs: Getting tracks out there and creating our own sound is definitely going to be a big part of what we do. We already have several projects underway and are looking at potential remixes so watch this space.

Ru: I note from my DVD that was sent to me in posh collectors packaging via Royal Mail first class that the Tidy DJs are down to play at the next Weekender, will we get to see you playing before then?

Tidy DJs Yes, we are going to be frequenting Tidy Nottingham, Kiddfields, Sundissential, Parlez-vous….. and a few other which are being finalised at the moment and all before Weekender 12, so keep your eyes peeled and come and bring us gifts and beer.

Ru: The press release describes the Tidy DJs as “two dashing young men” – do you see these impostors as being a threat to you two?

Tidy DJs Now now, gentlemen of our stature could take offence to a comment like that, our mums say we are dashing, and a girl let Deano touch her boob once.

Ru: Brave girl….

Tidy DJs Not that brave, she was dead. It was when Deano was working in a mortuary.

Ru: Right… er…. if the Tidy Girls are the hard-house equivalent of Bananarama, and The Tidy Boys are Crimewatch’s Nick Ross and Fiona Bruce, what is the modern day equivalent for the Tidy DJs?

Tidy DJs: We like to think of ourselves as Kim & Aggie from how clean is your house… see what we did there, how CLEAN is your house……TIDY DJs…….. oh… we’ll get our coats…

Ru: Oh, I see what you tried doing… er, right…. the press release also says that you were rocking dance-floors as an on / off duo all over the UK. The Sam & Deano relationship a bit like Pete Doherty and Kate Moss then?

Tidy DJs: Yes, as I [Sam] am a junkie smack head and Deano is a super model with his own range of things at Top Shop; it’s a very rocky relationship and those damn paparazzi just won’t leave us alone! No, but seriously, we have been playing together for the last couple of years now, so its not like we have just been thrown together as a last minute thing, Our style has always been about ‘Party’ music, and this reflects what tidy is about and the musical direction of the label.

Ru: Michael Barrymore said he won’t do panto any more – complaining since doing Aladdin six years ago he’s never heard the last of it. If Tidy DJs did a panto, which one would you do and which characters would you assume?

Tidy DJs: You said that just to get that crap Barrymore joke in there didn’t you?

Ru: Er, no, er, well…. Er….

Tidy DJs: Well here’s two even crapper jokes from us both to finish on –

[Sam] Patient: Doctor, you've got to help me. Every night I get the urge to go downstairs and stick my dick into the biscuit tin. Do you know what's wrong with me?
Doctor: Yes ... 'you're fucking crackers.'

Ru: Dear god…..

[Deano] So I went to the dentist.
He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died."

Ru: That’s very sad.

Deano: The dog didn’t die, it was a joke…

Ru: It was the joke I was referring to…. Thanks for your time boys.

Tidy DJs: Want any pegs mate?

Ru: No thanks, I have a tumble dryer.

Tidy DJs: Can do you a dozen for two quid, and we’ll throw in a shonky copy of the Designer Labels Album too….